Lost Memories
by MindIIBody
Summary: Some say, memories are precious... Others say, memories are sometimes too unbearable. Sesshomaru will find out their meanings in the house where dreams came up only to come crashing down. AU
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA!**

**Author's Note: For those who do not like Sess/Rin pairing, please do not read this. And be kind enough to not flame, this was a spur of the moment idea…I'm not sure if I should continue. Tell me what you think, okay? Thank you for reading this mini-note.**

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Blood splattered onto the walls behind as a woman's body grasp desperately onto the male before her. Her chocolate brown eyes held understanding, something that astounds him…even now. "I love you…" was the only words murmured by her before she fell limply on the ground.

A bright light erupted from her body as she closed her clouded eyes for the last time; the brilliancy blinded the man a moment or two before he was able to clear his vision correctly. It shined brightly and soon enveloped him into its warm light almost as though it was inviting him to a freedom of some sort. After a while the radiant light faded into the dark area around them.

The man stared at the woman for a moment as though in a daze and some sort of understanding was held in his eyes. It took him a while to snap out of the trance before walking away with that same passive face on like before. Stepping onto the grassy environment once more, he turned back towards the body in the muddy field.

Staring at her body for a moment, he then turned towards the entrance of the grand palace that held his greater prize… Glancing one last look towards the woman behind him, his eyes glaze over with a hint of sadness before it disappearing as fast as it had come. With that last look he turned away…forever.

Sesshoumaru woke from his kind size canopy bed, douse in sweat and shivered in recognition. It was that same dream again…that same sad dream that haunted him ever since he moved into this house. Leaning his head onto the padded headboard of the bed frame, he thought about all that has happened. He remembered when he was younger…actually; a couple of years ago he awoke in a hospital with no memories as to who he was and where he was. It was actually very frustrating and horrifying experience for him. He was a grown man, and a demon at that but could not even have a hint as to what and who he was until he was inform as to whom exactly he was. He found that he was a owner of the Youkai Inc. known world wide for its high technology and out of the world inventions. Another fact he learned was that he was also the daimyo of the western regions of Japan out of royal birth, and he was responsible for all that is his. Since he lived a very private life before he lost his memories, no one knew as to how he lived his life before hand. He also learned of his past relatives; his father who was once the greatest daimyo of the West has been deceased for some time now, he took two women to be his mate. One of those women was his mother, who was a full youkai while his other woman was a ningen and she gave birth to his half brother, Inuyasha. He knew that he didn't like his brother as well, since he's been hearing a lot about his hatred for ningens and hanyous.

He had also found out his brother was a rude and obnoxious little mutt, whose loud mouth doesn't match the size of his pride. While his wife on the other hand was the complete opposite of him, kind, sweet and caring but a little spit-fire too when she had to be, in order to contain her wild husband anyways.

They were quite shocked at how he lost his memories, but from what he heard from them. He didn't seem like the 'nicest' man on the earth; in fact he seemed like the biggest and evilest increment on the planet. He felt kind of upset for what he did before but took it all in with a passive face even though his emotions raged war within him and his head begged for rest. For some reason his expression never changed, no matter how much he wanted it to or will it too. It was rather disappointing to find that he was such an emotionless guy. If it weren't for the fact his sister-in-law said something about a certain woman in his life, he would have never had any hope as to how he really was like in private.

_FLASHBACK_

_Sesshoumaru's eyes gazed eerily at them as he nodded his understanding; his gaze though he didn't mean it was rather cold and very intimidating. Scaring the wits of Kagome but when he was about to leave she couldn't help but want to at least give him another clue as to who he was before. So she called out to him, "Sesshoumaru!"_

_He turned his attention onto her now as she called him, she smiled warmly at him and for some reason his eyes seem to flicker with a certain recollection of some sort. A picture of a woman popped into mind right away, her lips curved into a similar smile being offered to him now but he could not make out her eyes… She had that smile of warmth and it was beautiful too…but for some reason when he saw it, he felt a touch of sorrow and regret hit him like a ton of bricks. It wasn't until his sister-in-law called to him that he woke from his reverie. "Excuse my rudeness, please continue."_

_She smiled and nodded as she then said, almost as though her voice was in a whisper, "If you want to know more about yourself, go to your old house. It's the one that resides in the western regions of Japan and in the mountains; I'm sure you'll fine your answers there. I wish you the best of luck when you go there, Sesshoumaru; may peace be with you."_

_END OF FLASHBACK_

Sesshoumaru didn't see what she was trying to hint at then, but as time passed by in this huge magnificently built traditional Japanese home; he found that she was actually giving him hope. Hope that nothing will go wrong in his journey to find himself, and from everything he's been seeing in his dreams. He knew for a fact he had never been a bounteous or sympathetic person either. It was tragic to see how abhor he was to other beings other than himself and those he deemed worthy of his respect. And as of lately, he's been having recurring nightmares about a woman…from what his instincts tell him. She was beautiful, but he was never able to make out her face; it was always clouded in his visions. He saw her luscious pale lips that were ready to be kissed by him, and he also saw her graceful nose that was perfectly placed on her face…even though, he never saw a glance at her mysterious eyes.

Eyes that seemingly haunted him in his dreams…deep chocolate eyes, they were all he see in his nightmares after the little gorgeous scene of a cliff and a breath-taking sunset. Those eyes haunted him, flashing at his face and mind. Over and over again they repeated themselves in front of him, blinding his vision and dominated his mind as though it was god itself. He hated the feelings he get when he see those eyes…those heart warming brown eyes that begged something of him. He couldn't place it, but he knew the woman. The only question now was…who was she? There were no pictures of females in this huge mansion, only those of the previous ladies of the daimyo's. He saw his mother's picture as well as Inuyasha's mother, both was gorgeous to the boot but none fitted the image in his head. The days grew long and soon became unbearable, had it not been for the historical books within the library he would have left this place.

The books contained the past events that had taken place here in this mansion, from who had owned it and when to what they did and how they ruled. It was all there, but he found no books that had spoken anything of him. I guessed he must have not ordered one to be made as the other previous daimyos before him did. So…he searched on, one day in his room though he found himself searching for something one night. It was an urge of some sort to seek out the item in question…almost as though it was natural for him. He walked straight to his back walls, he pushed against them revealing to him a passage way to the unknown. He's never seen this place before but it so reminded him of déjà vu, he knew this place since as he stepped foot in here his body has been moving in its own accordance.

It was hard to see but with his ultra senses, he was able to see well than any ningen would. It seemed like forever as he walked in this atramentous hallway until he finally reached his destination…or so he believed. Opening the doors ahead of him, he soon came face to face with the most unnatural place ever.

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**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading, please review! 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha!**

**Note: Rin and Sesshomaru story!**

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**Chapter Two: Revelation**

Sesshoumaru couldn't believe his eyes, the place before him is like in a dream. It was a room, with sliding doors like in his dreams. The walls were slightly tanned from neglect while the tatami mats were still cleanly kept. The room had a low table in the middle, and along the back wall was a picture…of a woman. His golden eyes widen with shock as he notice the similarity of the lips, nose and then…the haunting brown eyes. In the great hall he saw pictures of noble ladies, but this woman. This lone woman was different, instead of being painted in a juni-hito of any sort. She alone wore a yukata with a simple lily design on the right should leading down to the sleeve while on the opposite bottom the pattern began again. She was lithely built, not greatly portioned nor was her looks as perfect as the ladies in the hall. For some reason though, his eyes could not move away from the picture though.

Her tanned complexion, innocent eyes, pale pink lips and rosy cheeks drew him like no other person. With her hair pulled back from her shoulders she looked mature and pretty but not beautiful as he had though. In a way though, he thought she was beautiful, not in looks but in personality. He couldn't place the feeling but the déjà vu is still there. Gazing at the picture he walked up to it, running his hand along the picture he frowned as a sense of grief struck him hard. "Rin…" he whispered as he placed his forehead on the picture.

It wasn't until his lips touched the painting's flat surface that he was aware as to what he was doing. It surprised to so that he pulled away abruptly. Staring back at the painting, he realized he said something in his trance. "Rin… That was what I said," he repeated as he gazed back into the picture. "Are you Rin?" questioned Sesshoumaru.

**_Sess…shoumaru?_**

Came a eerie voice, though a hint of recognition sparked within him. "Rin…?" repeated him.

**_Sess… I've waited so long._**

"I'm here, now. Please tell me where you are," said Sesshoumaru.

**_I'm here…Sess, here with you. Can you not feel me?_**

There was a chill in the air he noticed, but not a bad way. In fact, he felt quite warm. As he scanned around the room he noticed his own breath in the air. He then said, "I can feel you, but why can't I see you?"

**_Oh Sess, I missed you so. I'm so happy you came back but what a bad time you came at… Such a terrible time._**

"What are you talking about, Rin?" asked Sesshoumaru.

**_He's so angry with you, Sesshoumaru. Despite all I've said, he wishes for revenge. You should not have come here… This so terrible… Now he knows…_**

"Knows what?" questioned him.

**That's you're here…**

Abruptly the mysterious light vanished, leaving him in the dark. Whatever that was that had answered his question just made the room's temperature drop dramatically. In the dark he heard their conversation.

**_Stop, please Kiyoshi. I beg of you!_**

**No! Not until he dies!**

Sesshoumaru felt a oppressive force push him down onto the ground, knocking the breath from him before more shouts were heard.

**_Kiyoshi! Stop! Please stop I beg of you. He doesn't remember! HE DOESN'T REMEMBER!_**

**That only adds to his crime! Let go of me! I will have our revenge, and nothing you do will stop me…**

With that very whisper he felt cold hands clench at his throat, blocking off his much needed air.

**_No! I will not allow you to do this… You can't. He's your FATHER!_**

After those words were said, the hands disappeared and the light reappeared. It was almost as though nothing ever happened as he looked around. Despite him being on the ground, nothing else seemed out of place. But it was those words that made his head focus, '_He's your FATHER! FATHER! FATHER!_' The words kept repeating.

He had a child, a child with that woman. What happened to him? Why does he want revenge? What went on here? Why did that woman disappear? So many questions roamed in his head giving him a bigger headache. Clutching his aching head a memory flew through his eyes.

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_**Memory**_

"_Sesshoumaru?" cried a feminine whisper._

_Pulling the soft body closer to him he answered, "Hmm?"_

_The body wrapped its limps around him before replying, "I'm pregnant."_

_His golden eyes shot open as he gazes down towards the woman. Her brown gaze him captive as he said, "I know."_

_The woman in his arms frowned before looking up and said disapprovingly, "Then why did you not tell me, my lord? I would have been more rejoiced than I have been now. I feared all week as to how you would feel and if you would be displeased."_

_Chuckling softly he pulled her into a deep kiss, dragging his palm leisurely down her throat to her breasts, then to her stomach. There a firm bump form and he rubbed it lovingly before turning his gaze back to the warm eyes. "Does it look like this Sesshoumaru is displeased, Rin?"_

"_No, my lord. No it indeed does not," smiled Rin before she pulled him down for another kiss. That night they celebrated privately for the child to come…_

_**End of Memory**_

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The child was his…but what happened to it? What happened to them?

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**Author's Note**: Hahaha, I'm coming back with a vengenace. Hopefully someone is still reading. Sorry it took so long. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Many thanks to: 

**DaughterofBastet**

**Secret Angel Forever21**

**d2shny**

**silentkiller**

**restria**

**sphinx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA!!**

**WARNING: _THIS IS A GORISH CHAPTER. FOR THOSE WITH A WEAK STOMACH… DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED._**

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**Chapter Three: Anything but Home**

For the past couple of days, Sesshoumaru felt anything but comfort. The house he used to occupy seems to bore holes into him. At every turn he could feel eyes upon him. When he sleeps at night the need to stay awake and alert is like no other. During the day, the feeling gets worst. It was almost as though something oppressing is constantly watching him. A cold grasp of hands is always around his throat. The feelings unnerved him as well as irritate him. He knew for a fact if he was his usual self he would not have put up with it but for some reason he feel more depress as of late.

Probably he no longer feels that comforting presence of the woman from before. Rin... She gave life and meaning to his void of existence. For some reason, he discarded her and he wants to know why. He wants to find out more about the life he lead before he lost his memory. He wants to learn more about her death, their son and if they had anymore children. A sudden laugh caused him to look up.

The laugh was not far off but nor was it near enough for him to seek it within his line of vision. Walking towards the echoing fits of laughter, he cautiously peered into the dark forest below his home. The sound was coming from there. He knew it. It was a deep and assured feeling he had. Therefore, he jumped down to investigate. Upon coming to the source, the laughter became screams. Agonizing screams that chilled him to the bones. Never had he heard it before...

_**Yes, you did...**_

_'I did?'_ he asked in his mind as he ran towards his destination. The scene that greeted him was more than enough to make a youkai daimyo like him throw up. There stood a person...with white hair viciously killing a group of kids. The kids all had long white hair, either puppy dog ears or pointy elfish ears. Their complexion was fair and their beautiful little faces were all ruined by the look of pure terror. The man whom was killing each and one of them, either by decapitating them or driving his hands into their young stomach, was enjoying himself. An anguished scream was let out from the right and Sesshoumaru's eyes removed themselves willingly from the crude scene and onto the woman on the far right.

She was holding one of her decapitated child's head. The child's golden eyes gazed back at his lifelessly causing Sesshoumaru's nausea erupt. Pulling his head to the right he threw up the contents in his stomach from that morning. The sounds were piercing his very soul and his eyes pulled back towards the massacre as though drawn towards it. It was watching a bad horror movie only one can't seem to get any livelier than this. The blood, the smell, the gore, all of it…was unbearable. The intestines of the children splattered over the once pure green grass. Pieces of livers, lungs, and god know what else were presented openly where the dead children laid.

The only ones that seem to be living at the moment were the ones standing in front of the mentally imbalanced man. The woman who was sobbing brokenly to his right was ignored thoroughly. Her dark head was bent in dejection as she clutched her dead child's head to her breast. Weeping in desperation she begged, "Please...stop. Yamette... Onegai... YAMETTE!!!!" she shrieked as the man raised his claws and swiped down upon the closet kid.

The unexpected kid with dark hair with snowy streaks, pointy ears and golden eyes watched in horror as the man cut him diagonally across his body. Blood poured greatly upon the man as he lifted up his head and laughed like a maniac. Almost as though sensing another person's presence, the demented man turned around to face Sesshoumaru...no, the woman. But that didn't stop Sesshoumaru from seeing the man's face. Shock, horror and denial all lined up in his head as he saw the man's face. And it was of his...

Golden eyes, parted bangs, crescent moon, stripes and all the way down to the last detail as his white kimono. All stained with the children's blood. The horrid smell disgust him but not the one standing there drenched in the horrid blood bath. Blood was splattered randomly on his face while his once white clothing stained black to pure red from the old and fresh blood. Sesshoumaru saw the evil gleam in the eyes of the other Sesshoumaru. Staring at the woman whose face was now revealed. Surprisingly it was Rin... His gaze almost faltered as he registered her face. _'Why?_' He as he watched the sickening scene unfold. _'After my last memory... Why did this happen? I loved her didn't I? Why would I do this to her?'_

_**Because you were a fool...**_

That voice came again. In a sadistic sense, the voice was cruel but also frank. The woman's face contained a plea in them, but Sesshoumaru knew she was not going to be relieved at all. Glaring at his other self, he watched painfully as the bloody Sesshoumaru grabbed one of the few children by the throat and bared her to Rin. The child had white hair this time, with dark brown eyes filled tears she stared at her mother screaming, "Okaa!!"

Little hands reached for Rin as one of her own slender hands reached for her child. It was then Sesshoumaru noticed Rin was wounded at the stomach. Bloody was oozing from the opening, quite profoundly at that. But that wasn't her worry at the moment. It was the child in the bloody Sesshoumaru's grasp. "Please, Sesshoumaru-anata. Don't do this...I beg of you. I've never asked you for anything in my life...so please. _DON'T DO THIS!!_" Rin screamed chokingly.

From the look of the bloody Sesshoumaru, he was not going to listen to her. With an evil smirk he squeezed the poor child's throat until the child no long was squirming and squealing. Until the bloody burst from the child's face due to lack of oxygen and blood flow, he let the child's body collapse to the unforgiving ground.

Rin's raspy scream was the only thing that kept Sesshoumaru conscious. The scene was too cruel, too despicable. _'Why...?'_ he unconsciously asked himself_. 'Why is this happening? What's going on? I don't understand...'_

He woke from his reverie as his bloody counterpart turned towards the only child left. No, it was not a child. It was a young man. With pure white hair gleaming from the moon's malevolent light and his golden eyes flashing with hate and a crescent moon on his forehead, he looked more like Sesshoumaru than the present Sesshoumaru. Although the young boy's face was impassive, his body shook with such fierce restraint that it took only one glance to know the boy was on the brink of attacking and collapsing. When the bloody man spoke, it was cold and unfeeling, "Kiyoshi... Tell this Sesshoumaru what you want to do."

Staring at the father and son, Sesshoumaru had a sense of forebode that this was not going to end well. _'Kiyoshi!?' _Sesshoumaru thought frantically. That was his son!! His eyes widen as he looked at his son once again. He looked so much like himself that it was painful to see the hateful look he was giving to his past-self. He watched almost wretchedly as Rin pulled her useless half across the field towards her lord and master. After the long and painful trip, she grabbed hold of her lord's leg and pleads pathetically, "Please, milord. Don't do this...he's your son. These are your children. Your pups... If you kill them all, I'll have nothing left. So please..." she whispered breathlessly. "I'd do anything to have you spare him...please."

It was then that the emotionless Sesshoumaru paid attention to her. Kneeling down towards her he lifted her face towards his. With deaden eyes she stares into his gleaming ones. "Do you really mean that, Rin?"

"NO!" Objected her son vehemently before his father's poisonous whip knocked him out. Rin's startled gasp was cut off when Sesshoumaru's lips caressed her own. Her eyes widen as she stared into his closed eyes. Tears poured from her brown orbs before she returned his kiss with a passion. She tasted the blood of her children on his lips and wanted to vomit but knew she couldn't. So swallowing her bile down, she allowed his kiss to penetrate her more. His tongue mated with hers' before he pulled away. His face showed satisfaction as he smiled almost wickedly. "Very well... Since you agreed so willingly, this Sesshoumaru shall spare the mutt."

Turning his attention back towards the boy who had just tried to defend his mother, he smirked. "From now on he shall by a servant in my household..." then facing her he finished, "And you shall by my exclusive concubine. Is that agreed?"

Rin's eyes showed repulsion but she bowed her head and nodded instead. Seeing her nod, he smiled almost happily as he picked her up and walked away...

It took a while for Sesshoumaru to notice, but now that he had he wish he didn't. For he was no longer the stranger looking in from the outside but the character playing inside an unforgivable scene. Yes, he was now the bloody monster who had just massacre his family, forced his Rin to become his whore and degraded his son by making him a servant in his household. _'No wonder why they hate me...'_ Sesshoumaru mentally thought as he watched through the beast's eyes. He was currently walking towards his home on the mountain. In his room he did the things that would have degraded anyone...

Sesshoumaru couldn't bear to see the eyes of Rin as she silently begged for reprieve. He couldn't watch when he ripped her of her cloths or when he pushed her roughly onto the futon. Not even when he forced her bodily to stay still as he spread her thighs to accommodate his as he drove into her opening. She bit her lips, so she would not scream but as he started to scratch her, beat her and bite her… She screamed louder than a wounded animal would when wounded.

_**No more...**_

His heart screamed but his mind did not obey. He kept hitting her in the face, her body, pushing into her…

_**No more.**_

His heart was beating wildly now but his movements stand strong and firm. He was kissing her… Biting her.

_**No more!**_

His heart shrieked but his body refused to obey no matter what was going on inside of him. He was licking her life blood and drinking as though it was fine wine.

_**NO MORE!!!**_

His actions finally stopped. The dreadful things he was doing came to a halt. Then everything went blank. Nothing seemed real any more... It was like being torn into two. He wasn't able to do anything. In his heart, it hurt. In his mind, he cheered.

'_What's happening to me?'_ was his last conscious thought before he slipped into oblivion.

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**Author's Note: **You all probably hate me now but just to let you know now, Sesshoumaru's going to suffer for what he'd done. If you stick around you all might be able to contribute. Thanks for those who reviewed.

MindIIbody


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